I work in Next, which mainly caters to women from the age of 30 or so up (at least from what I've seen, I don't pretend to notice a target market). Yesterday there was a woman in work who had a stomach that made her look pregnant, as it was just very swollen looking and contrasted to the rest of her body - her face didn't look all that fat, neither did her legs - so I assumed that she was in fact pregnant. However, as one of the staff was helping her get items in the changing room, the women made a comment about how she was on a diet. Being at first pissed off at the fact I was in work while it was such a nice day outside, I automatically laughed along, probably made a funny comment or two on it when the tills were quiet, and then the woman came to my till.
She was buying two tops, one pink and one purple. I remember that she was very dour faced, quite short with me (even though I performed my trademark fake enthusiasm/smile combo), and wanted each top (and the hangers for them) put into seperate bags. They weren't gifts, I asked if she wanted gift reciepts for them and she said that they were for herself. Obviously my initial reaction was to scoff at this, and I believed the woman was ignorant for wanting the seperate bags (how dare she!). On top of this, the customary "Thank you, bye!" was nowhere to be found! To say I was fuming would be a gross exaggeration, but I was irked. I passed a few comments about her appearance to the people working with me, got a few cheap laughs, and then realised: what was I doing?
I was making rude and insensitive comments about someone just because of their appearance. If this woman was completely ordinary looking then the only thing I would have to say about her was that she was a bit of a bitch. No. Because her appearance was a little unusual or unappealing I had to immediately single that out and use that as an outlet for my annoyance. For a moment I got all philosophical and had a look at myself, and a few key points:
- Was my day as a whole affected by this woman?
- Did I have any clue what this woman's situation was?
- Did I have any right to criticise this woman's appearance when people may think that mines isn't optimal either (it isn't)?
Test over. 0%, wait behind after class, and take the Dunce hat on your way out please.
The thing that got to me most of all was the thought that this woman had to wake up every morning with what she had, just like I and 6.7 billion others do every morning. Perhaps the reason she was dour faced was because she had severe self-confidence problems, or because she was sick of how she looked and thats why the diet she mentioned was underway. Point being, I passed comment on a woman without knowing a thing about what she was going through. Doing that is disgusting, cowardly, and sadly it is seen at every level of life. From inside high schools around the world, to the press and the internet. Recently I have had an inner hate-campaign going on against bullies because of things I have been told, and I realised that everybody wants to feel superior to a bully. However, how can we feel superior to a bully when what the majority of us to on a daily basis is essentially just that? Bullying!
Sure, it is socially acceptable now in a culture dominated by women and men who get their kicks out of commenting on all aspects of other people, but that does not make it right! In the old adage known and loved by parents everywhere: If your friends leapt from a bridge, would you?
Sure, the person never hears what you say about them (unless it all hits the fan. ouch.), but again, that does not make it right! They cannot defend themselves and you don't give them a chance to! How many genuinely nice people in the world have been victimised because of their appearance, or because of one mistake? Even if it is just one, which it most certainly isn't, that is still far, far too many.
I guess what I've been saying in a roundabout way is that I'm sick of talking about people in a derogatory manner. I don't care if any people my age read this and say that they don't care and that it doesn't affect them. I'm not naive and I know that there will always be bitches, two faced people, and general nastiness. However, I know that I want to change that in myself. I wasn't a complete bastard, but I was enough of a bastard to want to stop being a bastard (what?), so I'm stopping. Simple as that. No patch (bitch patch? batch? pitch?). Cold turkey from being insulting towards people who will never know I'm being insulting towards them. It's a small change, but it's a change I want to make.
Yes, you can dislike people, if you know that there's no reason for their attitude other than an attitude problem, but if you don't know a person, or don't want to, then leave it out. If someone wrongs you, try to find out why. If it is for the hell of it, then that's a bit shit, and you have every right to be angry, but maybe you had done something to warrant it? It does happen.
Kindness is in our power, even when fondness is not. - Samuel Johnson
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